Cash in like Kim? You can bet your bottom dollar

No, it's not the metallic satellite that has landed on a comet in the far reaches of space, launched to unlock the secret of life, the universe and everything.

It's a reality TV star's bottom and, like the Philae lander, it's revealing unexpected things. But these revelations are about certain people I know.

In particular, it's highlighting just how horrible people can be about Kim Kardashian West's naked body.

Her tiny middle and extraordinarily peachy bum – which, by my ruler, is exactly twice the width of her waist – are making headlines for the PR machine, as she poses on the cover of Paper magazine.

But for her critics (of which there are almost as many as the number of dollars she has in the bank) the wife of rapper Kanye West dropping trou in her quest to #BreakTheInternet offers the perfect opportunity to shame her.

Everyone has had something to say about her photo shoot, which also includes full frontal nudity alongside the photos of her oiled and perfectly tanned orb-like buns.

One person that I follow said that she was a 'disgusting person', whilst another said she was 'gross' and should stop getting her kit off now she's a wife and mother.

I have to say, I spent a bit of time looking at it and wondering why and how on earth this sparkling wonder-bum was dominating the web. As a satellite touched down on a comet somewhere in the depths of the universe, we were talking about and staring at the fleshy mounds orbited by Kanye West that reside at the bottom of Kim Kardashian's back.

I wondered how she fit into any clothes. I cringed a little bit when it was pointed out to me how closely it resembled a couple of iced doughnuts. I thought, on the whole, it was a lot of fuss over nothing.

But I suppose that's just the kind of world we live in. Kim's talents seemingly start and end with being 'it'. I don't know what lightning-in-a-bottle formula she has for making millions, but whatever it is, she's got it nailed.

I thought about how some people live their whole lives working nine-hour shifts for 45 years and never make the money that she makes for getting her bottom out, or endorsing a particular product on her Twitter account.

If you earn a £30,000 salary every year for your entire working life, you'd make £1.35 million in your lifetime. The internet tells us that 34-year-old Kim's net worth is $65 million.

I feel a failure, suffocated by the confines of my fairly modest clothes.

Thirty thousand pounds is a comfortable salary by anyone's standards. But if you could get your booty out to guarantee you a life of riches and financial comfort, would you do it?

If I had a body like Kim Kardashian West I'd probably walk around starkers for free.

I would, without doubt, expose my cheeks to the world if it meant not having to call up British Gas to discuss my tariff ever again.

If you've got it, flaunt it says I. If you can flaunt it for money, and you're safe and happy, then I'll cheer you all the way to the bank.

From my little two-bedroom flat.

And that's the bottom line.