Kirsty Bosley: Murder and mystery! Getting rid of Cluedo suspect is a load of bull

The 'outdated' character was told to do one by game giant Hasbro, instead being replaced by a younger model, Dr Orchid.

According to the company, Dr Orchid was privately educated in Switzerland 'until her expulsion following a near-fatal daffodil poisoning incident'. Now I don't want to come across like a jerk, given that Cluedo is one of my favourite boardgames of all time, but what on earth makes Hasbro think that we're more likely to relate to a doctor with a PhD in plant toxicology than we are an old lady who cleans the gaff on a regular basis?

Now I only have a two-bedroom flat, but even I struggle to keep on top of the cleaning. So therefore, it makes complete sense to me that murdered mansion owner Samuel Black would require the assistance of a housekeeper.

I feel disappointed that Mrs White has been cast aside so callously, labelled out-of-date and consigned to the annals of history. I don't care if she is ancient and topped with a bonnet – I feel like she's really got a place on the board. Plus, it's great when Mrs White is the killer, because no one ever suspects her.

I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to relate to Dr Orchid, or how bothered I'll be when I find out that she slaughtered her adopted father with a Belladonna fruit salad. Or whatever it is that these murderous plant toxicologists choose as their weapon – who knows. At least it'll make sense when Mrs White is found in the library with the candlestick.

Maybe they could include me in there – because I feel that I have a ready-made motive. It was Kirsty Bosley in the games room with the Cluedo board. She whacked the victim over the head really hard with it when he tried to convince her that someone with a PhD was more on her wavelength than a nan who cooks and dusts in the Billiard Room every second Wednesday.

Maybe if I play my cards right, I'll be in with a chance of getting on the board one day. Journalists always play suspicious baddies in everything. What say you, Hasbro?

From boards to bulls but still on the subject of killing (eek), I have to mention this.

As I begin to write it, I can hear a little voice in my head saying 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all'. So I've silenced that little voice with the sound of Abba: Gold and I'm going to just say what I think instead.

No, it's not going to be nice. But that's dictated more by the subject matter, rather than me.

This week, an animal that was being slowly tortured for entertainment in front of a crowd did everything it could in its panic to stay alive. It's the nature of any beast, isn't it? To survive? Unfortunately, this meant goring and killing the other living being that was trying to slaughter it: a man called Victor Barrio.

For the first time since 1985, a matador died during a bullfight. And while I can't take any ounce of joy in hearing that a person has died – just like I can't find any joy in the death of a bull – I also find it impossible to be sad about it.

It's like hearing that someone who dances regularly on the M6 during rush hour has been knocked down by a car. If you go looking for trouble, you're most likely going to find it. And if you go stabbing innocent, 80-stone animals with horns that didn't ask to be cooped up and taunted, then there's a chance it's going to stab you through the lungs and heart until you die. Sorry, Mr Barrio, but you started it.

The bullfight took place at the Feria del Angel festival in Teruel, and was shown live on telly. The 29-year-old matador had already driven several spears into the back and shoulder of Lorenzo the bull by the time that the stressed animal flipped his adversary over with his horn before pushing him along the ground.

Though people ran to the matador's aid (a shame no one afforded the bull the same level of consideration), Victor's injuries were so severe that he couldn't be saved by the doctors who rushed to help him.

Bullfighting is a horrific practice, the likes of which cannot be defended. According to bullfighting culture website Servitoro, bullfighting bulls have courage. They say: "bullfighting bulls will always warn their potential victims before goring. They would place themselves in front of their opponent, stare, raise their ears and head and even dig with their hooves before attacking." What they mean by that is that even a frustrated bull will give you a fair warning to get out of its way before hurting you. It doesn't want to kill you.

It's a very sad and sorry tale. Two lives were lost (it's understood that the poor and suffering Lorenzo was later killed anyway, to the surprise of no one) and for what? For a few barbaric moments on TV? How is this disgusting practice still allowed to continue?

But, the story did not end there. It has also been reported that Lorenzo's mother was to be slaughtered in a ritual killing after the fact, to end their bloodline. It's quite unbelievable. Should we suggest that Victor Barrio's own mother be held accountable for her son's actions? Of course not – the idea of it is absurd. And so why should this abhorrent practice be allowed to continue? And don't say to me that it's a cultural thing, because so is forced child marriage, and there's not a compassionate human alive that believes that to be a good excuse for robbing girls of their childhood.