Peace, love and my one very Mega Christmas

It's all too tempting to prattle on about peace, love and understanding and to reminisce about Christmas in the good old days, back when it was simple and honest and we weren't bullied into buying an alarm clock by a hyperactive hare.

Just let the bear sleep, alright mate? His hibernation is vital, without it he's not going to survive the cold, harsh winter. You've essentially killed him. Well done, you've got bear blood on your hands.

Like I say, it's all too easy to fall into mushy, gushy prose.

And so I've decided to be completely honest in my answering of the question: "What's your best ever Christmas?"

When setting the task, I'm pretty sure my editor expected 500 words in return eulogising kindness, forgiveness and family.

Well sack that.

My best Christmas ever was when I got both a Sega Mega Drive and a brand new bike.

Horribly materialistic, I know, but what can I say? It's the truth.

Now, don't go thinking the Joyces were rolling in money back then. Far from it. I've come to realise mum and dad lived off beans on toast from April onwards to fund this extra special Christmas.

Before and, rather sadly, since, I've never known surprise and excitement quite like it.

I can vividly remember tearing off that wrapping paper back in the early 90s to reveal a sparkling, sleek Mega Drive.

Finally, I thought, I can be Gilius Thunderhead from Golden Axe or Blaze from Streets of Rage on my own time, rather than having to bug my older cousins for five precious minutes on their consoles.

And then I walked into the kitchen for the obligatory 6.55am Terry's Chocolate Orange and there was a gleaming green bike.

OK, fine, the handlebars would fall off weeks later as I cycled down a main road, but I didn't know that at the time. That initial joy and astonishment was unforgettable.

But where are they now, eh?

Well the Mega Drive's gathering dust in the loft and the bike's probably in a million tiny recycled pieces. Or Liverpool.

What has lasted all these years though is those memories of happiness, gratitude and joy.

Uh-oh, here comes the schmaltz.

But it's true, Christmas isn't really about the things at all is it? It's about the memories you make and the jolly times that you have with your nearest and dearest.

I may not have had another Christmas where I was so spoiled gift-wise, but I've had countless others that summon up those same warm feelings. Paper-plate buffets round my grandparents' house; drunken karaoke with my sister; the first Christmas tree in my own flat; they're all up there.

So, whether you've got a million pounds of 10 quid, if you focus on family, friends and fun on December 25 you won't be disappointed.

After all, it's the most wonderful time of the year.