Nice day for a wild wedding
Dress? Check. Cake? Check. Security guard? Check. Welcome to the new generation of weddings where nothing is left to chance. Elizabeth Joyce reports.
It's supposed to be the most romantic day of your life. A day where all of your troubles melt away and you're surrounded by love and well-wishing family and friends.
It's most definitely not meant to be the day a mass brawl is sparked by a flying pork pie or a disgruntled ex turns up and makes a scene in church.
However, wedding days are no longer sacred. They are no longer guaranteed to be free from tears, drama and even violence.
They are already days where emotions run high and, alongside the rise in second and third marriages, bitter ex-partners and warring families, it's easy to see why things can get out of hand. Free-flowing booze doesn't exactly help matters either.
All of these factors combined go some way to explain the growing trend for security guards at ceremonies and receptions.
Ade Fowles runs Telford-based Vigilant Protector, an event security firm that has seen a 40 per cent rise in enquiries for wedding protection over the past 18 months.
Ade, a towering bouncer who also has nine years in the Forces behind him, has seen and experienced it all when it comes to wild weddings. From obsessive exes bribing him to let them into the ceremony – "I had one woman say to me 'whatever the couple are paying you, I'll double it'" – to having cars driven towards him, there's not much that surprises him any more.
"You just have to stay calm," says Ade from Wellington, who has run the firm for three-and-a-half years. "If some psychotic ex turns up, you just try to discreetly reason with them and get them to move along. However, if someone's getting violent or driving a car at you, then you restrain them and it becomes a matter for the police."
So what are the main reasons people get in touch with him in the first place?
"Obviously if they're having a big wedding – we've supplied a team of 10 for a guest list of 800 before – and also if there's expensive gifts or property around. I've known plenty of people – organised criminals, chancers off the street, disgruntled members of staff – walk into weddings and take things from the table of gifts and break into the rows of expensive cars outside.
"Mainly though, it's to do with jealous ex-partners who have been threatening to turn up and ruin the day. Brides and grooms spend a lot of time and money planning their big day and they don't want to leave anything to chance – that's why they contact us."
For the average wedding, Ade supplies a team of three security guards, who turn up at least an hour-and-a-half before things start to check out the venue and make sure there's no troublemakers hidden away anywhere. They assess and man the access points, keep a watchful eye on the guests and make sure the gifts are secure – all the while keeping their distance and blending into the background.
"Over the last 12 to 18 months, we've seen a 40 per cent rise in wedding enquiries. We put this down to the fact that more and more people are getting married for the second and third time and high-profile cases in the media."
That'd be cases likes Wendy Carter and Ryan Barraclough, whose Bradford wedding reception ended in a brawl between 40 people. With tensions running high among family members, violence flared after someone threw a pork pie and another squirted a water pistol. The whole thing ended with three arrests and a woman with a bitten ear and cheek.
Although bride Wendy later said: "It's funny now. You've got to expect a good punch up at a wedding."
Things are tough up north.
Then there was the case of Ann Duffy, who was jailed for cancelling her brother's wedding behind his back because she disliked his fiancée. The court heard how the whole thing 'resembled an EastEnders plot line'.
"People have complicated lives and lots of previous relationships these days," explains Ade. "I've just taken a booking from a man who, to use his words, wants to keep his 'psycho sister' from turning up and spoiling things on the day.
"And you have to remember that people put their entire lives on Facebook and Twitter nowadays. It's easy for people to find out every little detail about one another's lives. I always encourage anyone who gets in touch with me not to do that – although it's hard for them because they're usually so excited about the wedding. But, if someone contacts us worried about their ex, we also look at the ex's social media profiles. We assess their character, the types of threats they send and see if any patterns emerge – for instance if they only get abusive after a few too many drinks on a Friday night."
But how often do the exes show up?
"I'd say 40 per cent of the time," says Ade. "And most of the time it's an ex-wife or girlfriend. It's usually a female who turns up and tries to talk or bribe their way inside. People sometimes show up in groups too but we've never had anyone turn up completely mob-handed.
"We just try to stay calm and diffuse the situation as quickly and quietly as possible. And if an ex does turn up, we don't tell the bride and groom until afterwards because we don't want to ruin their day.
"For us, this is a job, but for them, it's the most important day of their lives and you have to be respectful of that – we just wish everyone else was too."
Sally (we've changed her name) was forced to hire security guards at her wedding last March due to an obsessive ex-boyfriend of 13 years. Here's her story:
"My ex and I split in 2005 and he has never been able to live with it.
He doesn't have much family so I was all he had and I think he's jealous that I've found happiness with someone else. He's never been able to accept the fact that I've left him.
He sends me threats over text messages and on social media sites – they're always nasty and often turn into death threats, things like 'I'll see you in the morgue'.
I change my number and I block him on Facebook but he always manages to find out my new number and sets up fake profiles online to contact me.
I started dating my now-husband nine months after me and my ex split up. We've had to move out of the area because of all the drama and, thankfully, my ex doesn't know where we live now.
The face-to-face contact has thankfully stopped but he still texts me up to 30 times a day
My husband has two young children so we're always really aware of security – we're always on guard, our house is always locked up and even when we're driving around, we're always on the lookout. It's really depressing but it's become a way of life for us now.
Me and my husband got engaged in 2011 and not long after I got a call from my ex. It really shocked me when his number flashed up on my phone because I'd changed numbers again so I ignored it at first. In the end though, I answered and he told me he knew everything: the date, the time, the venue. He said he was going to turn up when we were saying our vows and 'raise Hell' to use his words.
Basically, he'd found out all the details by hacking into my social media accounts.
And the abuse just continued and continued.
Well that was it, I thought the whole thing was ruined. There was a point, almost two years into the planning of the wedding, that we seriously thought about cancelling the whole thing. It was all just so horrible and it was supposed to be this happy, romantic time but he was ruining it.
In the end, about six weeks before the big day, I just googled 'wedding security' and found Ade's firm.
From the minute he picked up the phone, I felt better. I didn't care about the cost, I just wanted peace of mind and I didn't want to deal with the stress anymore. It sounds dramatic but our wedding was being slowly destroyed up until that point. I didn't want to hedge my bets any longer.
I answered all of Ade's questions about my ex and he came up with a plan.
A week before the wedding, I turned off my phone and promised myself I wasn't going to look at it until after the big day. I was doing really well too until the night before when I was in the hotel by myself and I looked at my phone. Of course, there were messages from him saying he was going to ruin everything so that just made me even more convinced that we'd done the right thing hiring the security guards.
On the day, I felt that everything was sorted and there was no way he could get in. I remember when me and my dad were in the wedding car approaching the venue, I spotted one of the guards and felt really secure that he was there. I said to my dad 'look how big and tough-looking that guard is, no one could get past him, he's a right beefcake'.
In the end, my ex didn't turn up and we had a wonderful day, we didn't have to worry about a thing and we even forgot the guards were there. They were actually very subtle and blended in to things.
That's why I wanted to share my story because I wouldn't want anyone else's wedding ruined by worries and nerves about their ex. If you have any concerns, any worries at all that they're going to turn up and ruin things, just hire security. I can't recommend it enough. I know it's not what every girl dreams of, but it's for the best.
As for me, my ex still contacts me and I'm just learning to live with it. The police know about him but there's not much they can do. He's still a negative force in my life – but at least he didn't get the chance to ruin my wedding day."
