Kirsty Bosley: Shouldn't love be a journey, not a battle?

Settling down into bed. Settling on to the sofa. Settling for second place in the mum's race at your kid's school. Settling with the fact that your eyebrows will probably always be this unruly. Settling in the knowledge that no movie will ever be as good as Taxi Driver starring Robert De Niro.

But there are other times when settling should never be an option. One I've been thinking about more than ever since the Ashley Madison leak, is love.

You should never settle for anything less than perfect love. Not EVER.

When the extra-marital affairs website came under digital attack, it was found 36 million people had signed up to the site, seeking something more than they already had at home.

Now let's say that only half of these people are real and actual humans (I've seen the rumours about fembots too) and that only half of those people are married. That's still nine million unhappy people looking to chirpse* strangers online.

And let's take into account the number of people who are unhappy in their marriages but haven't heard of Ashley Madison. Or that use one of the other websites to find affairs. Then there's those who adopt the good old fashioned offline method of going to a bar and winking at strangers.

If we really sat down with every married person in Britain, how many of them would really say they were truly happy with their lot?

I've heard it myself, people in the pub complaining about the old ball and chain. I've even got friends who openly share their concerns about their own marriages and relationships. And when I was single and fussy, they would assure me that nothing is perfect and that I was being too picky for failing to continue seeing someone who had some flaw or other that grated on me. You can't just turn your back on someone just because they hate Morrissey or have never read a book for recreational purposes, they said. I did though. Relationships are about compromise, they said – it takes real effort to make it work.

Being a bit of a lazy mare, they lost me at 'effort' and again at 'work'. I was too busy mucking around with my friends, enjoying my career and tweeting about how much I hate Eamonn Holmes to put in work anywhere else.

My own requirements for perfection have ramped up of late. I'll admit that I'm not super knowledgeable about what makes a good relationship. I don't remember a time when I lived with two parents – let alone a pair that loved each other – and my ace grandad died when I was still of a single-digit age.

There have never been any relationships for me to aspire to in my life until more recently. My boyfriend (who, for the record, is extraordinarily perfect) talks so fondly of his mum and dad, who were in love for years before he was born and remain so now. They're his yardstick as relationships go; perfection or nothing.

To celebrate their anniversary this month, my friend Lindsey shared a picture of her parents, who have been married for 36 lovely years. It's a photo of them taken covertly as they walk away holding hands, like a couple that have been together for a matter of days.

They have been completely enamoured with one another for her whole life, Lindsey told me. Her dad, she says, compliments his wife to his children all the time – not for brownie points, but privately, just because he thinks she's great. They go on dates, have fun together and have provided their children with what Lindsey now recognises is an almost impossibly high standard by which all relationships should be judged. She'll never accept anything less than the best, and nor should she. By all accounts, her loving parents are living proof that forever companionship exists.

And that's what I aspire to. I don't want to be sat in a pub bemoaning my boyfriend's love of daft cars – I want to sit next to him reading Harry Potter for the millionth time with my legs on his lap as he watches The Fast & The Furious 54: Fasterer & Furiouser. Or whatever ludicrous sequel they'll be on in 10 years' time.

Am I being unrealistic? Maybe you can write to me with your own love stories, readers? I'm not saying that there won't be disagreements about what to have for tea/who is driving the kid to the youth disco or whatever. But surely the things you do have to settle on will be tiny. Love should be a journey, not a battle. Lest the others go on a website like Ashley Madison looking to fulfil the empty spaces.

So many people just settle for relationships that aren't the world's greatest, and it's really not good enough.

If you recognise you're in one, just grab your stuff right now and do one. Seriously, you could be dead tomorrow. What are you waiting for?

Then again, you might be stuck now in a tangle of mortgages and complex debt. Or perhaps you have the overwhelming pressure of your social standing to contend with. Or pressures related to your religion. Maybe you've had kids by now and so feel you can't leave as you don't want to disrupt them? In that case, you need to make sure to always teach them never to settle for anything less than perfection.

There are so many things in life you can settle for – the last sandwich in Tesco, the last bunch of flowers in the service station when you've forgotten it's Mother's Day.

But love is just non-negotiable.

*I heard some kids say 'chirpse' in place of 'chat up' on the bus the other day so I'm going to start attempting to include it in my written work. Please allow me this small life joy. I won't settle for anything less.

By Kirsty Bosley