Kirsty Bosley: Did the Cheeky Girls really know the meaning of life all along?

I've been thinking about things such as cheese and pineapple hedgehogs and Dreamphone. I've been remembering Tamagotchis and Neil Buchanan, Goosebumps books, Duck Tales and Push Pops.

And I've also been revisiting songs from the era, singing them to friends and colleagues like a walking, talking TV-to-video recording of Top of the Pops. As someone who requires a head clean, I just can't stop repeating lines from the same songs over in my head. I'm stuck on an annoying loop that I cannot escape (now, now – be nice!).

One of the songs I just can't get out of my head at the moment is the slightly odd (but still a bit sexy) jam Freak Me by Another Level. The song came out in 1998 – the year I went to high school – and I remember it being 'proper good' at the time. The caramel flow of the four-piece means it's STILL quite a good song, really, if you're into radio-friendly raunch (I am).

When it came out though, I wasn't into raunch. I hadn't a clue what the band (including Dane Bowers – remember him?) were singing about when they performed Freak Me.

Do you ever have those moments when you watch a show or a film you haven't seen since childhood and realise it's filled with sexual innuendo and double entendres? And you can't believe you didn't even question it when it happened? WHY WERE OUR PARENTS LETTING US WATCH THIS NONSENSE?!

I remember a particularly embarrassing childhood instance when I was watching Neighbours with my mum and asked her what a virgin was. I will never not cringe when I recall that moment – damn you Susan Kennedy.

I didn't ever really think about what I was singing when I chirruped: 'I wanna make your body scream' along to Another Level. It's not a cool thing for an 11-year-old to be singing at all – I realise this now.

Since I've had this terrible earworm, and the terrifying realisation I'd never before acknowledged the lyrics, I've started to think about some of the other songs I know I've never really questioned.

I shouldn't be as surprised as I am to discover that pop music is full of some really bizarre lyrics – who would've known?

Here are just a few of my favourites:

FREAK ME – ANOTHER LEVEL

'Baby, don't you understand? I want to be your nasty man!'

I don't understand actually, person from Another Level whose name I have never known. What do you mean by 'nasty man'? Do you mean you want to tell me that the clothes I'm wearing today look awful? How nasty do you want to be? Name-calling nasty? Or proper 'clear out your bank account and run away in the night' kind of nasty? I'm going to need confirmation of your exact intentions before I allow you to 'lick me up and down'.

LIFE – DES'REE

'I don't want to see a ghost, it's the sight that I fear most. I'd rather have a piece of toast . . .'

"Right, we've got ghost and most. What rhymes with that? Boast? Woast? No wait, that's not a word . . . erm . . . what about 'toast'?" I wonder if this is a legitimate song writing process? Or whether there was anything more complex than that involved? The method is as good as any if you're writing a poem, of course. If you're five. But that said, it topped the charts in 15 countries. In conclusion, I clearly know nothing about songwriting. Life, eh? Oh, life!

SCHOOL'S OUT – ALICE COOPER

'We got no principles. And we got no innocence. We can't even think of a word that rhymes!'

This is a bit of an exception to the 'daft lyrics' rule. This one is the antithesis of Des'ree's method of just pulling random ditties from thin air. Alice Cooper hasn't got time to concern himself with poetry – he's got boa constrictors to writhe around with and Frankensteins to feed. The band has no interest in trying to con us into thinking that they've poured emotion and care into every uttered word. They're just not the kind of act that gives a damn what we think, and that's what's good about them.

JAILBREAK – THIN LIZZY

'Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak somewhere in the town.'

OK Lizz, I'd suggest your first port of call is the jail. I'm no Poirot, but that's where I think the jailbreak will be taking place. The clue is in the name really. But taking into consideration Thin Lizzy are the stuff of genius and Jailbreak is a brilliant song, I feel like a heathen even questioning it. BREAKOUT!

GETTIN' JIGGY WIT IT – WILL SMITH

'You got a Prada bag with a lot of stuff in it.'

Well Will, it's alright for you because men's jeans are made with vast pockets. My jeggings don't even have pockets, let alone ones which comfortably accommodate my purse, keys and phone. Also, I get terrible heartburn and have to carry around Gaviscon, as well as a hair brush to tame my mane and an umbrella just in case. Of course my bag has a lot of stuff in it – is it really worth making a fuss about? GOSH.

THE CHEEKY SONG – THE CHEEKY GIRLS

'Touch my bum. This is life.'

It's something that philosophers, religious leaders, poets, and The Hitchhikers's Guide To The Galaxy all have their varied theories on: what is the meaning of life? Well, if Romanian-born twins Gabriela and Monica Irimia are to be believed, touching their bums is life. Not even just some small pleasurable element of a day (which I'm sure touching a Cheeky Girl's bum would be). We're talking LIFE in itself. I thought it was just a nonsense song, but when you think about it, it's actually really intense . . .