How to tell if your child is unhappy at school and what to do, according to psychologists

Avoiding friends, suffering from stomach aches, and having difficulty getting ready in the morning are among some of the telling signs.

For some children, starting a new school or year group is exciting – it means new opportunities, a new environment, and in some cases, not being the youngest in the school anymore.

But for others, such changes can bring uncertainty, nerves, and worry.

Wolverhampton city council's educational psychology service has shared advice for parents who are concerned that their child is not enjoying school, and what they can do to help them.

The following information has been provided by Dr Elaine Perry, senior educational psychologist, and Dr Rebecca Glazzard, specialist senior educational psychologist with a responsibility for emotional wellbeing and mental health.

"The key thing that families can do to support children is to talk to them, listen to them, give them time, and look out for any changes in their behaviour that might indicate they are having a tough time.

"Every child is different and so it can be hard to give a list of things to look out for, but families should trust that they know their children best and so look out for any persistent changes in mood, behaviour, sleeping or eating habits that might suggest they are struggling. Here are a few examples:

Reluctance to attend school

• Difficulty getting ready in the morning

• Worry or upset when leaving the house

• Difficulty separating from parent/carer at the school gate.

Behavioural and mood changes

• Reduced interest in their usual activities

• Quieter or more withdrawn than usual

• Avoidance of peers and friends

• Extreme emotional expression – shouting, crying, 'tantrums'

Physical Changes

• Frequent stomach aches, headaches, feeling sick

• Panic attacks

• Change in eating habits

"Parents should contact their GP if they are worried about any physical changes.

"If you are worried about your child, make time to talk to them. Some children can find it hard to open-up, so letting them know that you are there for them is really important.

"It can sometimes be hard to know what to say, especially if your child hasn't told you that anything is bothering them. You could start by saying something like: "I've noticed that you are a bit quieter than usual, and I wonder if anything is going on at school that has been hard for you. I love you and am here if you want to talk or if you want a hug. How about I go make us a hot chocolate and we can have a chat?"

"Sometimes children don't have the words to describe how they are feeling. We can help them by naming the feelings or emotions that they have no words for. We are helping them by naming the emotion to tame it ("name it to tame it!"). You could say something like: "When things change, I wonder if it makes you worry or feel anxious because things are different to what you know?".

"Some children might find it easier to draw or write about their feelings or even to make a video or voice recording using a tablet or phone."

The service also suggests a number of resources that parents may find helpful:

• Ten ways for parents to help children cope with change (youngminds.org.uk/media/2odjlktz/top-ten-tips-for-parents.pdf) – A poster created by YoungMinds

• Kooth.com: Children in the Black Country and Birmingham can access Kooth, an online mental wellbeing community. There are articles, moderated discussion boards, online counsellors and a daily journal tool. It is a resource that parents and their children can look at together.

• Supporting children's transition to secondary school (annafreud.org/media/13817/supporting-children-through-secondary-transition-final.pdf) – Guidance for parents and carers, by Mentally Healthy Schools

• Supporting-Transitions-2.pdf (beaconhouse.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Supporting-Transitions-2.pdf) – A poster created by Beacon House for advice on supporting vulnerable children with transitions

More information about Wolverhampton city council's educational psychologist service can be found at educationalpsychologywolverhampton.co.uk.