Columnist and trained counsellor Fiona Caine answers another set of reader dilemmas

After almost two years of lying to me, my husband finally owned up recently to the fact he has a gambling problem. I suppose I should have suspected something was wrong sooner. Although we were both working, our joint bank account was forever overdrawn and we struggled to pay our utility bills. We never had any money, and he always found a reason not to buy things.

If we went out anywhere, he was anxious the whole time.

When bits of my jewellery started to go missing and he insisted we sack our cleaner because of it, I finally got suspicious and we had a furious row. It seems he’d got in really deep and, in the end, had resorted to stealing things in order to fund more gambling so that we could pay bills.

All this has left us over £30,000 in debt, with a stack of threatening letters from people demanding money. He’s promised that he’s going to change and has already started going to Gamblers Anonymous meetings. Of course I’m relieved that he’s doing this – but it’s doing nothing to solve our debt problems and more importantly, I am not sure how I feel about him anymore.

I feel hurt and betrayed that he could do this to us, to the extent that I’m not sure I can ever trust him again. I am also confused and angry, and don’t know what I am going to do to get us out of this mess. Part of me just wants to run away and leave him to face the music. However, another part feels that I do love him and want to help. I feel so lost, but what can I do?

S. J.

Fiona says: Please seek support for you too

You’ve had a nasty shock and I can fully understand why you might feel angry, betrayed, and confused. However, please don’t do anything hasty. Your husband has acknowledged he has a problem and is doing something about it. That’s a huge positive step; many gamblers struggle to admit there’s a problem, let alone seek help, so not all is lost.

It’s good that he’s getting peer-group support through Gamblers Anonymous, but I think you’d both benefit from also contacting GamCare (gamcare.org.uk). This organisation can offer one-to-one support through a variety of channels including live chat and a phone helpline. Crucially, it also offers support to family members and friends impacted by someone else’s gambling.