Mark Andrews: E-scooters, the four-day week and kids who smell of fish

Here's some news that will give heart to beleaguered shopkeepers everywhere. Yes, I know it's annoying watching low-life thieves plunder your stock, and I'm sure you get frustrated when the Old Bill informs you that 'all our officers are tied up at the moment'.

But on the positive side, look at the bigger picture. Our 21st century police service is now taking a proactive stance on insults in the school playground.

Thanks to an excellent investigation by The Times, we now know that in the 12 months up until June this year, police forces in England and Wales recorded more than 13,200 'non-crime hate incidents'. Among these are a nine-year-old girl who called an eight-year-old boy a 'retard', and joked that his mother must have banged his head when he was born. 

Another was for two nine-year-old girls who joked that another pupil 'smelled of fish'. All I can say is they must have their work cut out dealing with the away fans at Grimsby Town games.

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Equally disturbing is the treatment of Allison Pearson, the Sunday Telegraph columnist who too was accused of a 'hate incident' when she got a knock on the door from the boys in blue over something she posted on social media about a year ago.