Peter Rhodes on a nuclear promise, Chinese instructions and the joy of justice by questionnaire

I have installed a new security light. Or at least I think I have, after closely following the instructions: “After 100 per cent light is on for 20s, 10 percent wait for induction and do not work in the daytime.” Sorted.

At times like this, just remind yourself that the bloke who wrote those instructions may speak imperfect English but it's probably better than your Mandarin.

Our changing language. A Daily Telegraph reader recalls watching TV in 1952 on a new “television set.” I recall that term from my childhood. So when did the television set become the plain television?

Welcome back, old friend. Nuclear fusion is again in the news, The Joint European Torus experiment in Oxfordshire has generated much heat during a five-second burst of fusion. The Guardian breathlessly reports on “the prospect of harnessing the power of the stars.” For almost 100 years, nuclear fusion has been heralded as the clean, green and everlasting saviour of humankind – but not just yet. In the 1950s the promise was “electricity too cheap to meter.” And yet despite occasional champagne-popping by the boffins, it has never quite made it from the laboratory into your home. The power of the stars is deeply impressive but damnably elusive.

Self-incrimination by questionnaire? It's a new one on me but, by golly, if that's what it takes to get to the bottom of Partygate, so be it. Put simply, 50 suspects are sent forms inviting them to cough the lot before the cops get nasty.

If it works in Whitehall why not extend it to everyday policing? On December 31 each year all the constabularies would simply send a form to every citizen on the lines of: “We've got you bang to rights, chum. Just fill in the details of what The Offence was and where and when you committed it and you'll get a £60 fixed-penalty ticket. Any delay and we'll send the lads round.” A great step forward for British Justice.

I wrote some years ago about a theory that smart meters would enable energy companies to have “smart” blackouts, switching off the power to individual properties which were deemed low priority. We're not there yet but the latest plan is for meters to send readings every 30 minutes and charge customers more for peak periods while sparing “vulnerable” consumers. You're suddenly feeling vulnerable? Me too.