Peter Rhodes on chips, stamps and the unforeseeable future

At a stroke, first-class stamps go up to 95p. A question for all you old folk who remember pre-decimal currency. Did you ever in your wildest dreams imagine that one day you'd be rich enough to spend 19 shillings on posting a letter?

And did you ever imagine back in the day that a single portion of fish and chips would be big enough to feed an elephant? A recently reported study reveals that chips are the most wasted take-away food, with tons being chucked in the nearest bin by gluttons who buy far more than they can eat. This week is Food Waste Action Week and chippies are being challenged to serve sensible portions, not belly-busting amounts. Not before time.

Actually, Britain's bin-yer-chips habit may solve itself if and when the Ukrainian crisis triggers that tried-and-trusted aid to national slimming known as food rationing.

The writer Will Self says today's war in Ukraine confronts us with “a wholly unknowable future.” He's right. All the old certainties have vanished. I picture it as a series of fences obscuring the horizon. Only a couple of years ago we could see miles ahead and plan the things we would do on the way: the annual holiday, the kids' birthdays, next Christmas. But then came Covid and a fence suddenly appeared and we couldn't see ahead or plan anything. Now comes Putin's war and we can't even glimpse what the next 24 hours will bring.

Will Self also made the point that global peace hangs on the doctrine of Mutually Assured Destruction, or MAD. But this assumes that leaders of countries with nuclear weapons comprehend that if nukes were unleashed there would be no winners. So the irony is that in order for MAD to work, everyone involved has to be sane.

Oops. I see I have used the word “war.” Putin tells his people the city-by-city destruction of Ukraine is a “special military operation.” And 15 years in clink if you disagree.

But then war always brings its euphemisms. Watch out for that old Kremlin favourite “limited policing operation” which covers everything from a solitary drone strike to World War III.

• Peter Rhodes will be appearing at Codsall Festival on March 29. See Codsall Festival 2022.