Rhodes on religion in war, Britain's inglorious response and catchphrases of conflict

The remarkable thing about this bloody war is how the Ukrainians with their families torn apart, men sent to the front line and the women and children scattered to the winds, remain so devoted to their church and so trusting in God.

Once again, for the umpteenth time in world history, one megalomaniac's rabid obsession with race and conquest tears another nation apart. Vast armoured columns work their ultimate hell on the poor, the old and above all, the children. I admire the Ukrainians who continue to take the sacrament and put trust in their priests. But does anyone cowering in the bomb shelters or trudging on the roads ever ask the question: When, exactly, shall the meek inherit the Earth?

Every war produces its catchphrases. In Ukraine, two stand out. First was the response of the defenders of Snake Island to the threat of annihilation by a Russian naval unit: “Russian battleship, go **** yourself.”

This has echoes of the one-word riposte during the 1944 Battle of the Bulge when a German army threatened to annihilate US forces holding the town of Bastogne. The Germans demanded immediate surrender. The Americans sent the reply: “Nuts!”

A CNN reporter reminds us that Mike Tyson's famous quip about boxing also applies in Ukraine. Russia's plans were based on an easy victory, but turned into a bloodbath. As Tyson put it: “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”

In a ceasefire agreement with the Russians, Ukraine's civilians were expecting safe passage to the West through “humanitarian corridors”. It turns out that some of these routes take them to Russia or Belorussia. The train now leaving platform one is the Betrayal Express calling at Mordor and the Slough of Despond.

Not that our own authorities have exactly covered themselves in glory. Who in Whitehall decided that the huddled masses of Ukrainian civilians arriving at Calais should be sent back to Paris or Brussels to apply for visas? What sort of creature thinks that's a good idea?

The answer is, of course, the Vogons, the planet-destroying alien race created by Douglas Adams in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He described Vogons as: "Not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous."

So that's Whitehall, twinned with Planet Vogsphere.