Peter Rhodes on exclamatory towns, anti-ship missiles and an anthem for an independent Scotland

Yes, I know it's terribly cynical but I bet I wasn't the only one who thought: “Boris in Kyiv? The Partygate fixed-penalty notice must be in the post.”

Yet the PM may have pulled off a game-changer in this ghastly war. Putin wants to grab Ukraine's entire Black Sea coast including Odesa. Boris Johnson's gift of Harpoon anti-ship missiles could wreck any hopes of a D-Day-style amphibious landing by Russian forces. Odesa may be grateful but Putin will be livid.

I wrote some years ago about the regrettable fact that only one town in England has an exclamation mark in its name - Westward Ho! in Devon. I can think of at least three other places that would be greatly improved with such punctuation: Ashow in Warwickshire and Tring in Hertfordshire come to mind. And there's a place in Surrey I was reminded of a few days ago when the death was announced of the Earl of Effingham.

I have this sort of vague twinning idea which would bring together not only English towns worthy of exclamation marks but also the only other place in the world thus appended, the Canadian town of Saint-Louis-du-Ha!-Ha! Picture the road signs: Welcome to Westward Ho! twinned with Tring! Ashow! Saint-Louis-du-Ha!-Ha! and Effingham!” I really ought to get out more.

If we believe everything we read, the Regency-romance series Bridgerton (Netflix) has tempted viewers to rush out and buy Bridgerton-inspired bras, corsets, earrings, property, croquet sets, walking sticks interior designs and has even sparked “wisteria hysteria.” I do not believe a word of it. What I do believe is that Bridgerton has the most amazingly imaginative and influential press office. They snap their fingers and the tabloids produce a full-page feature.

Wisteria hysteria? We bought one three years ago. So far, not a single bloom, let alone any hysteria.

On the assumption that the Scots may one day vote for independence, the Guardian is inviting suggestions for a Scottish national anthem. One reader suggests: “Either Mull of Kintyre or Donald Where's Your Troosers?”

My own suggestion is inspired by Radio 4's legendary quiz show, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. It is Mull of Kintyre sung to the tune of Donald Where's Your Troosers?