Peter Rhodes on rockets exploding, clocks erupting and the daily miracles of the NHS

Sure enough, the doctor rang at 11am, invited her to an appointment at the surgery at 12.20pm and, by 12.30pm had diagnosed a harmless inflammation and offered reassurance and advice. We hear so many horror stories about the “broken” NHS that we tend to forget it is still performing little miracles, in a matter of hours, every day.

The Yanks launch a rocket which explodes spectacularly and call it a “rapid unscheduled disassembly”. The Russians accidentally bomb one of their own cities and call it an “"abnormal descent of aviation ammunition". What is it about technology that brings out the euphemisms?

I suspect the Yanks started it with the 1960s Apollo moon programme in which every activity or piece of kit began with a simple name. This was expanded to a complicated name which in turn was replaced by initials because nobody could remember the complicated name.

For example, the vehicle known to all as the moon buggy was elevated in Nasa-speak to become the Lunar Excursion Module which was then contracted to LEM, but was still called the moon buggy. The so-simple space walk became Extra-Vehicular Activity which then became EVA before morphing back to space walk.

So here's today's question. What term will Mr Musk's team of euphemising geeks use when their rocket actually launches, goes to the moon and comes safely back. A success? Far, far too simple.

In the meantime the Musk rocket is undergoing what they term “wet dress rehearsals..” The mind yelps.

The term “rapid unscheduled disassembly” took me back to one of those panicky, guilt-ridden moments that affect all little boys who dismantle their parent's favourite, but chronically slow, clock in a well intentioned attempt to fix it. Remember that chilling moment when you loosen a screw and the mainspring flies off, followed by a tiny cloud of gubbins? Back in the day this vandalism sometimes resulted in a UPOI, an Unscheduled Parent/Offspring Interface.