Peter Rhodes on plumbers, cat-pupils and a hint of Marxism at the Palace
On the issue of homelessness, Prince William says his children will grow up knowing “some of us are very fortunate, some need a little bit of a helping hand, some of us need to do a bit more where we can to help others improve their lives.” Or to put it another way: “From each according to his ability to each according to his needs.” (Karl Marx, 1875).
I described getting a plumber to fix a leak for which I am upbraided by a reader for “relying on others to do the simplest of tasks.” Firstly, when the leak is at the back of a cupboard, there is no such thing as a simple task. Secondly, employing a plumber keeps a fellow citizen in business. Thirdly, any glow of pride you get from fixing your leak may vanish some time after midnight when your spouse wakes and asks: “Can you hear water . . ?”
That's what we need at this news-hungry time of year - a pupil announcing that he or she is now self-identifying as a cat. That's what happened at a school in Sussex. It seems the teacher instantly supported the child's right to be a cat and harangued another child who dared to say it was bonkers. In the old story, the little boy who pointed out the Emperor had no clothes was hailed as a hero.
But in 2023 truth-speakers tend to be cast into outer darkness.
Let us suppose that the day after this incident, half the class turned up self-identifying as cats and the other half as mice. Would a mouse's right to life trump the natural-born instinct of the cats to eat them? Should the school replace its gender-fluid toilets with cat litter? And supposing Year 12 all decided to be dogs? Are they allowed to chase the cats and, if not, isn't that a species-based form of oppression? Meanwhile, how are the cat kids adapting to their school meals of Whiskas?
Furthermore, was it fair to suspend Miss Goodbody, the Geography teacher, for putting a Year Five tabby on detention for licking his nether regions in class?
The silly season approaches – don't you just love it?
