After Lord Sugar, here’s a little joke that will offend no-one

This is not the crime of the century, it is not even a crime, it is a slip of the keyboard by an older person.

Lord Sugar was born in 1947 and I would venture to say that the social attitudes during the first 40 years of his life are several worlds away from the social attitudes of the last 31 years. Trying to almost criminalise his actions because like a lot of us older folk his formative years were spent in the 20th century is just plain daft.

So in an effort to come to terms with the modern world and attitudes Uncle Norbert and I have decided to sit down and write a modern joke for the modern age that will offend no one. First we contacted the following agencies seeking advice:

The Racial Equality Commission

The Society For Left Handed People

The League For Equal Opportunities For Jockeys

The Society For The Advancement Of Trampolining Nuns

The Gender Quality Commission

The Committee For All Things Bright And Beautiful

Well after countless correspondence with the above we have come up with a joke fit even for that jolly japester Michael McIntyre and guaranteed to offend no one.

Two people of no fixed race, religion or sexual orientation walk into a pub that serves the whole community in a caring and loving way and does not just cater to one sector of society. The two individuals approach the bar and the bar person of no fixed race, religion, sexual orientation or abode asks them what they would like to drink while pointing out that all the products on sale are produced on a non-profit-making basis as all monies are ploughed back into the community. The non defined customers order two drinks, drink them and then go home.

There we are, a modern joke fit for the ears of everyone. Quick, where is my Max Miller record and those Tony Hancock radio shows.

Peter Steggles, Longnor